


Unexpected

by 9foxgrl



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Director's B-parenting, Divorce, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Gen, M/M, Project Freelancer, Secretly Related AU, Teen Delinquency, The Director is just done, Time Skips, exploding microwaves, sassy teen carolina, sassy teen simmons, teen dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-18 20:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9foxgrl/pseuds/9foxgrl
Summary: Due to a surprise attack during an academy training exercise, the Freelancers meet Carolina's nerdy cousin; one Dick Simmons.The Director wonders who he pissed off in a past life.





	1. A Family Reunion

It was supposed to be a rare quiet day for the crew of the Mother of Invention and its team of bad ass super soldiers, for once there would be no complex missions, no training sessions. Just a quiet and rare day off.

And then the call came in; Insurrectionists were attacking an academy training camp. 

"Why would Insurrectionists attack a training camp?" South asked as the Pelican approached the camp. "It's not like there's any brass brats down there."

"Yeah, they get sent to Corbulo right?" 

"Not all the brass brats go to Corbulo for that very reason. " Carolina corrected. "Some change their names and go underground." 

"Why would they want to do that?" Washington asked curiously. 

"A number of reasons, but its usually revolves around abusive household and divorce." Carolina replied as she double checked her weapons "I had a cousin who cut all ties with his dad as soon as he turned eighteen." 

The scene was bloody as they had expected, there were bodies every where, both cadet and training officers. But also surprisingly, there were a few Insurrectionists as well, both alive and dead.

"Looks like they were able to hold on till the cavalry arrived." York commented as he surveyed the scene. 

"Where are the survivors?"

"Run!" 

Insurrectionists took off running across the crumbling ridge, some firing wildly into the air behind them as random sniper shots came from above along ...a flaming canteen?

"Uh..did anyone else see that?" North asked the projectiles hit their targets. 

"You mean that- YORK DUCK!

York barely hit the ground as a microwave hurtled over head like a rocket and into the ranks of the fleeing terrorists where it promptly exploded like a roman candle.

"Was that an _exploding_ microwave?" Carolina and South demanded breathlessly over the channel.

"You saw it too?" Washington asked in disbelief. 

"It came from up here." North stated as he carefully climbed the steep hillside and took a pockmarked young man by surprise as he got to the top. "Hey, I found the survivors! They're up here!" 

A group of cadets were behind a make shift barricade of logs and boulders, many had on make shift bandages or splints. However behind some fallen boulders was a red haired young man in muddy fatigues with some random electronics around him. 

"And I found our bomber too." 

"I'm not a bomber, I'm a mad scientist." the young man replied hotly. 

"Ok, not a bomber, a mad scientist."

" _Mad_ scientist?!" Carolina exclaimed before climbing up the steep hill side herself. As soon as she reached the top though she had to fight the urge to take off her helmet.  

_"Dick?"_

_"Leah?"_

_"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"_

* * *

 Confusion. That was the best way to describe the common feeling that the Freelancers were having as their team leader laughed and hugged the younger man, careful not to crush him with her heavy armor.

"What are you doing here? I though you were still at college?" Carolina laughed. 

"Had to drop out, so I figured why not keep up the family tradition?" the man replied with a grin. 

"Wait a second, did they attack because you were here?" Carolina asked lowly. 

"Uh, the bastard disinherited me when I turned twelve, remember? If they tried to kidnap me I'm sure he would have asked to shoot the first bullet." 

"Good point." Carolina replied. 

"Boss, whose this?" York asked curiously, he was totally not jealous at their close contact. Shut up North! 

"Guys, this is my cousin Simmons."

"Boss? You're a boss?"

"Squad leader of the Freelancers." Carolina replied with a grin. 

"Ah boss?" Washington nervously spoke up. "Don't we need to report in?" 

"Right, right- mission first. Gotta be professional." Carolina muttered before clearing her throat. "Mother of Invention, the enemy had been neutralized. We have the survivors and will need assistance with evac." 

_"Understood, we'll send medical teams immediately."_

"You're not going to tell the Director he's here?" York asked lowly. For some reason he could just picture the grin under her helmet 

"And ruin the surprise? Never."

Once the cadets had been shuttled off to the med bay, Carolina and Simmons were walking to the debriefing room catching up on old times.  

"So you got into ODST special ops right out of basic? I'm not surprised at all."

"Thank you."

"You were always an adrenaline junkie."

"Oh you're one to talk firebug, so what are you division are you going in?"

"I would join ONI, but the bastard is still there so I'm better off in the infantry." Simmons replied as the automated door opened revealing the Director finishing a video call with another UNSC ship.  "Uncle Leonard?" 

York's jaw dropped when the man jumped nearly a foot in the air.

_"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"_

"Is he okay?" North asked, the normally stoic man looked like he was about to have a stroke. 

"Don't worry about him, he's just reliving a burning golf cart drive through his thesis presentation" Carolina giggled. 

Washington did a double take. "Wait-what?"

"Sorry for the unexpected visit, but hey, at least I didn't get dumped on your doorstep by the your in-laws." Simmons stated as easily as he could so the man wouldn't keel over. 

"He was dumped on our doorstep like Harry Potter." Carolina whispered. 

"I was under the impression you were still at college." the Director stated coldly.

"Had to drop out, the bastard pulled a clause that would have liquidated half of my trust fund unless I enlisted." 

"I told Rachel she was too good for him, should have shot him at the wedding." the Director muttered. 

"He....really doesn't like your cousin's father, does he?"

"No he does not."  

"If it makes you feel better once the divorce was finalizing she went on a drinking binge and married her maid in Singapore." 

South barely fought back a laugh. 

"I'll be sure to send Lucille flowers, Agent Carolina, we need to have word in private." 

"Yes sir." Carolina replied as she followed the man towards his office. 

"How bad was your dad, that your mom switched teams?" 

"Pretty bad, he only married for status reasons." Simmons replied as he whipped out his data pad and started typing madly. "Our grandpa was famous."

"A famous solider?"

Simmons paused and looked up at the man. "Not sure what he did, just that he was flagged by every intelligence agency up until his death." 

"What are you doing?" 

Simmons didn't get a chance to answer as Carolina's voice echoed through the speaker.  _"You haven't seen your nephew in almost four years and the first thing you  want to do is throw him into a black hole?"_

_"He shouldn't be here."_

"I hacked into Carolina's HUD."

_"He's not that bad!"_

_"He set the lacrosse field on fire!"_

_"And you punched Helen at a PTA bake sale!"_

"Whose Helen?" Washington asked.

"Head of the PTA, neighborhood watch and bicycle. I'm pretty sure she was forty percent Botox, tanning spray and silicone." 

"And why did the Director punch her?"

"Lets just say she said some stuff about Leah and my late aunt and leave it at that." Simmons replied before blinking. 

"Is no one going to mention that he didn't deny setting a field on fire?" Wash asked. 

"I was a pyromaniac and Leah was a delinquent, so we saw the inside of a holding cell...more than once." 

_"As soon as we get near a UNSC base, he's getting off this ship."_

_"What if he joined Freelancer?"_

_"I wasn't aware it was April 1st yet."_

_"I'm being serious; put him in R &D or-"_

_"Don't say it."_

_"He could be Agent South Carolina."_

_"Leah, I just avoided one heart attack, don't make me suffer another one."_

_"Come on, what would Nana Violet say?"_  

_"She would pour herself a brandy and tell me to invest in insurance!"_

_"_ "Dude, your family reunions must have been intense." 

"The reunions? You should see the videos from the weddings, someone always gets shot."

York blanched and made a memo to invest in a bullet proof tuxedo. 


	2. Family Reunions are Tedious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Meta Fiasco, the Reds and Blues find out a few things about their resident cyborg. Family reunions are never peaceful.

 It was a rare, and I mean rare, quiet day in Valhalla at the Red and Blue bases. With the lack of anything better to do, the sim troopers had gathered near the waterfall to indulge in one of Donut’s wine and cheese hour. The team’s light red soldier had thankfully avoided a fatal gunshot wound during Washington’s brief team up with the Meta/Maine when the behemoth had backhanded Simmons so hard that his helmet was knocked off.

Said traumatized giant was currently in a hospital under an alias, recovering from several third-degree burns that Simmons may or might not have inflicted on him. Sarge had already tried to claim dibs on him for Red team when he was released, but Washington was doubtful he would accept. 

So now, we find the group sipping on Donut’s black-market wines. Except for Caboose, he was given a variety of juice boxes. No one wanted a repeat of what happened at Blood Gulch when he sipped Sarge’s homemade white lightning.

And Wash, because SOMEONE had to be the sober adult and hide the ammo.

“Hey, Simmons?”

“Yeah?”

“I gotta ask, why did Agent Washington run for the hills screaming when your helmet fell off during the fight a few weeks ago?” Sarge asked.

“Oh…well I almost blew him up years ago when I met the Freelancers,” Simmons replied casually.

Grif spat out a mouthful of wine. “YOU DID WHAT?”

“You didn’t almost blow me up, you did blow me up and a third of the training room,” Wash muttered. “That’s why the Director refused to let you be a Freelancer despite the Counselor’s suggestions.”

_“WHAT?”_

“YOU WERE ALMOST A FREELANCER?”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US?”

“DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE A.I.S?”

“YOU SONOVABITCH!”

Simmons sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “It wasn’t that big a deal, at least I didn’t think so anyway. My cousin was an agent, and she wanted me to be Agent South Carolina, but with my criminal record…”

“And a tendency to make bombs outta everyday electronics,” Wash added coldly.

“I was no good to the Project, as for the AIs, they didn’t have them until after I left.”

“You have a criminal record?” Tucker repeated in befuddlement.

“Yeah, I was a teenage arsonist.”

“You’re still an arsonist.”

“I’ve toned it down! Mostly at least I’m not like Grandpa Scott and started drinking aliens under the table to rob them blind until I was in the grave!”

“Yeah! Wait. What?”

“I wished they had kept you. You might have been able to stop Carolina’s death and-” Wash abruptly stopped midsentence as Simmons put down his drink. “Oh…sorry…”

“It’s fine…it’s been almost four years now…” Simmons replied softly. “I thought I would be over it by now.”

“Son, we never get over losing a loved one,” Sarge replied softly. "You can only hope it goes numb after a while." 

The Blues nodded in agreement, except for Caboose who was now standing up and waving towards Blue Base.

 “Caboose who are you waving at?”

“The soldier at Blue Base.” The man replied happily as a cyan figure started headed their way.

“WAIT!” Simmons screamed as he recognized the armor. “Leah?”

The cyan soldier stopped a few feet away and removed their helmet revealing dark red hair and green eyes not unlike his own. “Dick?”

“Leah!” Simmons shouted as he ran towards her.

“Dick!” Carolina eagerly called back, happy to see her favorite cousin. 

Simmons suddenly drew a pistol from his waistband; **_“LEAH!”_**

Carolina screeched to a halt, kicking up dirt as she took off in the opposite direction. “Oh sh-“

 ** _“LEAH YOU BITCH! GET BACK HERE!”_** Simmons shouted as he chased his cousin.

“And suddenly I’m glad I renewed my life insurance policy and will,” Wash commented as he took off his helmet and accepted a juice box from Caboose.

“Because Simmons has finally snapped and is trying to kill a Freelancer?” Tucker asked.

“How would you react if the cousin you thought was dead came back to life?” Wash idly asked as the Simmons chased his cousin towards the waterfall.

“Wait a second, that crazy woman…is Simmon’s cousin?” Sarge asked as Simmons gave up on shooting and decided to tackle the woman into the water where they continued to brawl. “So, who was his uncle?”

“The Director of Project Freelancer,” Wash replied flatly.

_“WHAT?”_

* * *

 

Several hours and screaming matches later, the two sopping wet redheads found themselves in Red Base out of armor and into some sweats. Carolina was sitting on the floor of Red base angrily sipping a juice box with a split lip while having a glaring match with Simmons who sat on the other side with a broken mechanical arm while holding an ice pack to a black eye.

“Now are you two going to behave or do we have to toss one of you in the brig?” Sarge asked sternly. 

“It’s not the first time I broke his arm,” Carolina responded grouchily.

The Reds and Blues slowly turned their heads to the woman and then turned towards Simmons who just shrugged.

“We were in a lacrosse scrimmage and…things got out of hand.” He stated casually before angrily holding up the broken limb. “But last time I just had to get a cast, NOT AN ENTIRE ARM!”

“Calm down you baby,” Carolina replied before angrily jabbing her juice at him. “And things didn’t get out of hand; you just got in my way when I tried to knock out Clarise and Amy.”

"Wait! We're you playing women's lacrosse?"

Simmons rolled his eyes. “My ‘sperm donor’ made up a list of requirements that I had to fulfill to get a trust fund for college. One of them was to join a varsity sport.”  

“It was the only sport where he didn’t get to be near something expensive and flammable,” Carolina commented before giving her cousin a death glare. “But you know, I’m pissed off you too.”

“Because I punched you in the face?”

“No, because you fucking eloped and didn’t tell anyone!”

_“WHAT?”_

“Oh, so you know about us?” Grif asked casually.

_“WHAT?!”_

“I already have to deal with your boyfriend faking his death and running off and becoming a space pirate with our cousin Drake, followed by telling the rest of the clan the news about your death. I was not going to risk a wedding.”

_“YORK’S ALIVE?”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in debate right now whether or not to do a spin off story of the misadventures that Carolina and Simmons got into growing up or a sequel for York. If you would like to see this, please comment below.


End file.
